Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch

Joint: Taco Bell
Location: 17th and Santa Monica Blvd

I am a huge fan of the original Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Yes, I was one of those people that learned that he could ask for a Crunch off-menu at any Taco Bell even when they stopped listing it. That being said, I felt mild trepidation when the Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch was announced. I love bacon, but the Cheesy Gordita Crunch was an exercise in highly-developed fast food balance and restraint, as much as melted cheese between a taco shell and a gordita can seem restrained.


The first thing that struck me about the new bacon incarnation of my favorite taco bell item was that I tasted much more bacon than I saw. Could they be using some strange bacon-flavored chemical as well as bacon bits? I certainly hope so! As the taste of bacon began to overpower my tastebuds, I began to doubt the infallible Taco Bell menu creators. Would this be the taco that jumped the shark? Would it be the new Star Wars episodes to Taco Bell's fabulous classic Cheesy Gordita Crunch? I squeezed some cheese and beef out the back of the taco and contemplated it. No, it wasn't a failed sequel. What I was eating was a taco-shaped bowl of nachos. That's right, this thing tastes nothing like my beloved Cheesy Gordita Crunch. It's like the disjointed delight of eating a pile of nachos. It's Equilibrium instead of Matrix 2,
unrelated to Gordita Crunch 1, but far better than a sequel.

As a side note. It wasn't particularly well made. The taco shell lacked the appropriate crunch, and the whole thing looked as well filled out as a runway model's bra. I am giving a little leeway on this topic though, because I've found fast food places in high income areas like Santa Monica have worse food. The best fast food places are ones with high traffic. Try Barstow Del Taco for a good example, or try any fast food place at the Love's exit on the I-5 toward San Francisco, especially the Arby's.

Rating: 3/5 COWS

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Fatburger with Cheese and a Fried Egg

Joint: Fatburger
Location: 3rd Street Promenade & Wilshire, Santa Monica, CA
(Also across from Easton Gym)

What the fuck awesome. That's what this burger is. If you've never had Fatburger before, you should give it a shot. Alone, this is a solid burger. It's under 5 bucks with quality better than a strictly fast food burger, but not lacking in whatever addictive chemicals usually go into a run-of-the-mill McPatty. Under the mustard, pickles, lettuce, and anemic-looking-but-flavorful tomatoes it's got a thick slab of actual meat from some sort of animal (almost definitely cow). The best part, however, is the option to add cheese ($.99) and a fried egg ($.99). That brings the total to $7.00 even with California tax. Sure it's pricey, but it's a HAMBURGER WITH A FUCKING EGG ON IT! All hamburgers should be made this way. I spend my entire workout at the gym across the street thinking about ordering one of these on my way home.

One cool feature of Fatburger is that you can order online. Also, a fried egg fits nicely on the baby fatburger if you just can't handle the full beast.

Rating: 4/5 Cows

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